Morningstar offers free online classes about investing, apparently. They cover the basics and get into the "nitty gritty" according to some financial blog I was reading. And no, I don't think it's the morningstar that makes the fake meat. I think it's some big investing company or mutual index or some f'ing thing. I'm just too lazy to look it up right now, but I know I've read the name several times in my financial blog-trolling. Anyway, I'm going to look into it! Right now I've got an investment broker (!canyoubelieveit!) who also happens to be the investment broker for my disgustingly rich employer, so I figure he's doing pretty well and the fees are low. But I want to understand this whole thing much better than I do (which is, currently, not at all).
I am going to be a financial genius.
 I think it's a pine tree in China. Actually.
 My mom will get that joke.